Monday, September 24, 2007

It's not easy!

I am jetlagged, tired, walking around aimlessly in a zombie-like state with emotions running on high. It is not easy being an adoptive mom. As I rock my little Alexia to sleep, I cannot help but think about what she has been doing all the time before she became part of our family. 10 months. Did someone rock her to sleep at night or answer to her cries? Did anyone love her like we do? I think about her biological mother and what she must have been thinking and feeling when she left her newborn daughter just outside the Civil Affairs office. Did she hide nearby and wait to make sure her baby was found? These thoughts are too difficult to think about at times. I thought I had a handle on these emotions after having had an extremely hard time after Cara-Li's arrival. I wish there was a way that I could tell her biological mother that her baby is fine, is very much loved and will be taken care of for the rest of her life. I wish I could tell her that she has a wonderful jiejie (big sister) that thinks she is the best. I wish I could thank her for this most wonderful gift she has given us despite it being the most difficult day of her life...

4 comments:

Sophie's Mom said...

What an absolute cutie-pie! You're right, it isn't easy. The whole first year my Sophia was home she woke numerous times a night w/night terrors, I was one tired Mommy! After we got her attachment issues figured out, things are much better now.

Nat said...

Oh, that smile!!! You just can't stay in a bad mood when you see it, can you? :o)

RoLo said...

that smile just made my day

Zhiqin said...

Susie, tu m'as fait pleurer. Oui, Ce n'est pas facile du tout pour toi, je t'aime beaucoup et surtout j'apprecie beaucoup tes effors pour donner ton amour a Cara-li et Alexia, et une famille heureuse, et comme j'ai ecrit dans mon article, elles sont vraiment chanceuses d'avoir toi et Gordon comme parents. Merci!
Zhiqin