Thursday, July 24, 2008

Emotions Gone Wild!

Today was an interesting day. We had an appointment with a social worker as we are experiencing some minor issues with Cara-Li. We thought that seeing someone would help us guide her through these rough patches and after listening to us for close to 2 hours, she concluded that she definitely could help us. Good. We left there feeling really good about everything.

Fast forward to this evening. After supper, I went grocery shopping in preparation for the cottage. All is well. I am alone and I am taking my sweet time going through the aisles, looking at all the products and thinking of what we would eat this weekend. As I am picking through the green beans, I realize that there is this cute little Chinese girl in the cart to my left and her father (who is Chinese) is to my right. I smile at the little girl and then I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I was mesmorized by her eyes, her smile, her hair, her skin... and then the WAVE hit me (see 3D's post about her wave). Here is a little girl who is with her father, her Chinese father. She is where she should be. My daughters didn't have that chance, the chance to be with their birthparents. They were ripped away from it all to be placed in an unknown place, all alone. Yes, they are finally in a loving home and we couldn't love them more and they couldn't be any happier. But I can't help thinking about what if they had stayed with their birth family like this little girl did. Everything would have been so different, for them and for us. My head was just spinning with these crazy thoughts that I didn't realize that I was standing over the green beans with huge tears pouring out of my eyes and sobbing. I could see the look of confusion in the poor little girl's face and the father's too.

Anyway, I came home and I feel better. I realize that I am truly the luckiest mom in the whole wide world and that I couldn't have been blessed any more than I have with these two wonderful daughters. And they are exactly where the belong... in our home, in our lives and most importantly, in our hearts.


Mortimer's Mom said...

I don't know if you remember when that happened to me at Home Depot, with the chinese couple and they had one daughter with them but told me about how the mother is constantly scanning the faces, looking for her other daughter.... It gets to you.
I'm glad to hear you are finding help with cara-li. Just take it one step at a time. We saw lots of progess with Dumpling, and then major setback. it's hard for such little girls to process everything.

3D said...

Hugs...good luck.

Keep smilin!

Jednet said...

She is in the right place and she has lost something. Our children's lives are such a dicotomy.

I wish you could share what is going on with Cara-Li, but I realize that it is personnal. Our daughter is 3 and is becoming more and more aware of things and having a heads up on what may be coming and what others have done about it would be so wonderful. Sometimes, unfortunately, a blog is not the place to talk about it.